The following was found on the internet. 10/16/2005 5:57:00 PM By unknown
-Into the Deep www.stoneswillshout@yahoo.com.au
The following was found on the internet. Apologies to the writer for not crediting him, but we can no longer trace the website. It is such a good description of modernist philosophy that we thought our readers would enjoy it! From Father/Mother Feelgood: "Welcome to our exciting and relevant faith community. We are a Catholic parish, but our understanding of the practices of the Catholic Church is slightly different to that of Rome. We are welcoming community to those who have been hurt or forced to abide by rules in other churches." The entry sacrament into our church is the Sacrament of Tolerance. Just come into the worship space and let us know of your desire to enter into our faith community. You begin by stating "I'm okay!", the congregation then says, "We tolerate you." That's all there is to it. No need of interior conversion, repentance, or any other judgmental Medieval practice. As we stay the same in our faith, there comes a time when we just need to strengthen that we are okay, this is the Sacrament called Confirmation of Affirmation. One of our members will take our holy oils and then draw or spray an "O" on your forehead as a sign that you're okay. If anybody disagrees that you are okay they will receive a light slap on their face. With aroma therapy comes the Sacrament of Holy Odours. This is an inclusive sacrament that can be given to anybody, male or female. We gather around the Holy Diffuser and inhale in the wondrous odours. There are three levels of Holy Odours: Eucalyptus, Frankincense, and Jasmine. One of the most important sacraments is the Sacrament of Holy Partnership. This is where we join you and your partner together for life. Just remember our concept of "for life" is the same as the criminal justice system. For life doesn't actually mean until one of you dies. We bless your life-long committed relationship until such a time as you become uncommitted. We do not discriminate against gender affiliation and one or more people can receive this meaningful blessing. The Sacrament of Holy Community. As a faith community we gather together around the sanctuary and one of our members confects the elements and transubstantiation occurs. This is where wine and bread are sacramentally changed to water and crackers. This is a great mystery and the source and summit of our faith. This is also known by the name Youchrist, because You are Christ, as we all are Christ. We remove past wrongs with the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This is where a representative of the Church apologises to you for past wrongs such as the psychological terror of calling things in conformance with your conscience "sins." You enter the reconciliation conference room and a minister of reconciliation says "Bless you brother/sister for the Church has done wrong." You then assign us penance and go on your way. The Sacrament of Last Rights. As our members are dying we administer this awe-inspiring sacrament for your journey to Heaven. We gather around your bed and no matter what you have done in life we say "You were Right." If ones dies without this sacrament it really doesn't matter since we are all going to heaven anyway. But it is nice to be affirmed that you were Right.
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