Father John Harvey, an Oblate of St. Francis de Sales, is founder of Courage, a Catholic apostolate for adults with same-sex attractions (see "COURAGE"), and is co-editor of "Same-Sex Attraction: A Parent's Guide" (Ignatius).

He shared with ZENIT how parents can educate themselves about same-sex attractions and how they can teach their children about healthy human sexuality. ZENIT's last interview with him appeared Nov. 16.

Q: You've mentioned that familial or parental situations may contribute to same-sex attractions. Is there a difference between children in these situations and youth who choose to experiment with homosexuality because of social influences?

Father Harvey: There's a significant difference between a child with same-sex attractions due to family environments rather than due to experimentation.

The difference is the youth choosing to experiment is comparatively rare, even though it seems to become "cool" at a high school and college level. Generally speaking, there's a high probability that those who are experimenting already had same-sex attractions and are expressing them in the college period.

It is not common for someone who thinks he or she is heterosexual and who is from a healthy family to move into experimentation. A trauma, such as a teen-age girl or boy being raped, may lead him or her to have same-sex attractions rather than opposite-sex attractions.

Sometimes there's a teen-age period when those who don't feel attracted to the opposite sex try a relationship with the opposite sex, and it doesn't work out. They also find out having sex with someone of the opposite sex is not a cure for same-sex attractions.

Some social influences that lead to youth engaging in homosexual behavior can be traced back to high school. Many felt alone because they had same-sex attractions and weren't fitting in well in the group. In college, they fell into a group of people with same-sex attractions, looking to each other for companionship. At this point, experimentation may happen among people who are already predisposed.

The more we study, the more we see the influence at home is early, in grade school, and even earlier.

But it's important to remember that teen-agers who think they have same-sex attractions aren't set for life. They say they're "gay," but they may not be.

When teens say they feel uncomfortable around peers of the same sex and are attracted to them, often they've also had difficulty relating to and identifying emotionally and psychologically with their same-sex parent -- it's just that the realization of this strained relationship doesn't happen until much later.

It must be noted that same-sex attractions can also be generated by the child's relationship with the parent of the opposite sex.

In my years of counseling women with same-sex attractions, I have met a number of women who believe that their same-sex attractions were mainly due to their relationship with their father. Both parents have a great influence on the child's sense of self-worth and gender identity. There can also be other traumatic experiences outside the family that contribute toward the development of same-sex attractions.

Although most cases of same-sex attractions begin in childhood, the teen-age period becomes critical -- either the teen is drawn toward acting out homosexually, or the teen gets help and learns to live a chaste lifestyle.

The teen may also be able to gradually work toward overcoming or at least minimizing homosexual attractions with the help of a good therapist and spiritual director.

Q: What can be done for children who have stable home lives but who are experimenting with homosexuality due to social influences?

Father Harvey: If the parents know that their child has experimented with homosexual acts, the child must be commanded to seek therapy from reliable Catholic doctors.

If it is a stable home life in the full sense, where the child has a good relationship with both parents, then the parents simply need to continue to develop a healthy home environment while being mindful of external influence on the family, especially on the child.

These "external influences" may surface in adolescence and early college years when young people are found in a scholastic environment where it is considered "cool" to be homosexual or bisexual. If the individual already has some degree of same-sex attractions, he may slip into homosexual acts and thus be seduced into a homosexual way of living.

A healthy home environment presupposes that the children are learning to relate well to both parents. If you don't see that, there are some problems.

Social influences and difficulties can occur if a teen goes out with companions that don't agree with the teen's parents and don't have Christian values. Parents need to talk to their children, give their child thorough instruction on the purpose and meaning of human sexuality, and the beauty of marriage as union of a man and a woman. It's seldom done. The writings of Christopher West on Pope John Paul II's "theology of the body" are most helpful.

Parents are afraid to tell their youngsters what to do, and at 18 teens have their freedom to do whatever they please. The most pernicious teachers of young people are the media.

Q: What aid can be given to parents who may not be willing or able to examine whether their children are showing signs of same-sex attraction?

Father Harvey: Often parents are afraid that their child has same-sex attractions but do not want to seek professional help in order to ascertain their child's inner tendencies.

The problem is that parents are not given real knowledge of signs of homosexual inclinations. Also, when someone from the outside -- a doctor, psychiatrist, priest, friend -- tells parents that their child may have same-sex attractions, the parents have a very hard time with it. They do not want to believe it.

Many parents won't listen, but someone on the adult level needs to make those parents aware that their child is crying out -- they need to get help for their children and get educated themselves about same-sex attractions. There are books that are helpful -- for example, Don Schmierer's book, "An Ounce of Prevention."

Parents are sometimes unreachable -- there's a lot of denial. The parents do not want to believe that their child has same-sex attractions or that their child will lead a homosexual lifestyle if he or she is not helped.

Parents who have gotten beyond the propaganda that a homosexual lifestyle is normal and acceptable think about how difficult it will be for themselves and their child. They think that they can't look forward to their child's marriage and grandchildren, and they are very concerned about that.

How to deal with parents who don't understand or aren't willing to see the signs of same-sex attraction is a most difficult question to answer, because it's very hard to know what to do. Over a few months of talking to those parents, you'll figure out a way to help the parents and the child.

The signs of same-sex attractions are sometimes very well covered. A big youth who is a football player can have same-sex attractions. A little one who is not athletic may be heterosexual. There are many problems interpreting the signs, but most often, it can be determined by the relationship with parents, siblings and same-sex peers.

It is very hard, because often the child won't tell you the truth, yet some will talk to a counselor. Sometimes teens who are traumatized keep it inside themselves. When they finally talk about it, no matter their age, they still can be helped with any same-sex attractions.

Q: What is the necessary healthy psychological environment that parents need to build into their marriage and family in order to prevent or to help heal same-sex attractions in children?

Father Harvey: Parents working together with their children produce a healthy psychological environment. In a home where parents and children like to spend time together, both children who are heterosexual or who have same-sex attractions will benefit from it.

At the same time, the parents need to make it clear that they need time together in order to sustain their marriage. Youngsters need to see their father and mother embrace regularly. Often, children with same-sex attractions come from a home where they don't see their parents embrace.

If a child comes from a home with no sign of affection between parents or siblings, it's difficult for a child with same-sex attractions to rightly order his affection and attractions.

You can't talk to your kids about homosexuality alone -- it needs a background. First, you have to talk to them about theology and God's plan for the human person, then heterosexuality, then homosexuality.

The best approach for single parents is to find someone in the family to give the child some companionship and instruction, and act as a role model. A single mother needs to find an uncle or someone in the family to relate to her son, and vice versa with a single father and his daughter. It's the parent's prerogative and privilege to do that for his or her child.

It's a long process to heal sexual identity. It doesn't take place all at once. It can start at 3 or 4 years old -- when kids start showing signs of same-sex attraction -- and can go through the teen-age and adult years. It has to be put in a larger perspective.

I find two factors helpful for teen-agers: professional therapy with a good therapist who is faithful to the Church's teachings; and spiritual direction and prayer.

Q: The Catechism of the Catholic Church [No. 2358] says that people with same-sex attractions do not choose their homosexual condition. From your point of view, does that mean that it is not a learned behavior?

Father Harvey: One of the ways that homosexual activity is "learned" is when a person is introduced to that form of activity by another person. There are other ways that one may learn homosexual activity, such as through the things that they watch or read. However, the homosexual condition itself generally develops involuntarily.

I don't believe that anyone chooses to have same-sex attractions. The homosexual condition has emotional roots and is influenced by attitudes in the mind that come about because of various external events.

However, it is not a real choice because that person usually didn't have control over the circumstances and traumas that influenced the development of same-sex attractions. Real choice involves full knowledge and advertence in the mind and freedom in the will.

The evidence leans heavily on the fact that same-sex attractions are due largely to environmental causes. There's no evidence of inborn homosexuality -- it doesn't exist. There is a hundred years of evidence that same-sex attractions are related to environmental factors and psychological influences. All the evidence before 1973 pointed to environmental factors. Then came the idea that it is related to genetics. So far, there is no evidence that it is genetic.

People who have same-sex attractions sometimes conclude that that is their identity. But the identity is always developing; it takes a long while for people to mature in their identity.

Our true identity is that we are creatures of God, men and women with intelligence and free will. And when we are baptized, we become brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ.

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The following interview with Father Harvey was also published on ZENIT last year.

Recognizing and Treating Same-Sex Attractions in Children, 11/17/2003

NEW YORK, NOV. 16, 2003 (Zenit) - Parents who think their children may have same-sex attractions can look for specific signs and seek effective psychological and spiritual treatment for their kids, says an expert in the field.

Father John Harvey, an Oblate of St. Francis de Sales, is founder of Courage, a Catholic apostolate for adults with same-sex attractions, and is co-editor of "Same-Sex Attraction: A Parent's Guide" Ignatius).

He shares what are the main factors that may contribute to same-sex attractions in children and what parents can do to help their child.

Q: Could you briefly explain what are the roots of same-sex attractions?

Father Harvey: There are many roots of same-sex attractions. From many years of research and pastoral practice I believe that there are four principal factors, which, individually or collectively, contribute to same-sex attractions.

One is the inability of the child to identify with the gender of the same-sex parent. This occurs when the same-sex parent does not make himself or herself psychologically accessible to the child, and in this context child includes adolescents.

In her book "Psychogenesis and the Early Development of Gender Identity," Elizabeth Moberly explains the need of the child to identify with the same-sex parent. By identifying with his father, a little boy begins the process of achieving masculinity; by identifying with her mother, a little girl begins a similar process toward femininity.

The second factor is an overweening relationship with the opposite-sex parent. For example, a mother of a large family, whose husband was working several jobs, formed an excessively close relationship with her youngest son and confided in him her own dissatisfaction with her husband. She really blocked her son's access to his father. It must be kept in mind that parents are usually unaware of the harm that they do to the child.

The third aspect is a failure to identify with members of one's own sex during childhood and adolescence. A son who has not identified with his father, or even older brothers, will lack confidence in his relationships with other boys in their games. He will tend to spend time with girls as his companions. He tends to avoid team sports games. During adolescence he find himself yearning to touch other youth, about whom he has erotic fantasies.

Another example is a girl who perceives her mother as weak, because she always gave into her domineering father. The girl tells herself that she is not going to be weak like her mother -- she'll be like her father. She becomes aggressive like him and later feels physically attracted to women.

The fourth contributing factor is emotional and sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence. An example of emotional abuse would be a father who gives special attention to several older sons who excel in team sports, while neglecting the youngest son who does not engage in sports. An example of sexual abuse would be sexual seduction of an adolescent by an adult.

Girls can be emotionally abused in many ways. Some girls are treated as a boy, spending little time with girls and much time with boys in sporting events; other girls are emotionally neglected by the father -- who is often alcoholic -- and witness the father mistreating the mother.

Many girls, in grade school or high school, have suffered sexual abuse, and the trauma turns them away from the male sex. Physical sexual abuse can lead to same-sex attractions in youth.

Q: How can parents recognize if their child is sexually attracted to others of the same sex, or may be vulnerable to developing such attractions?

Father Harvey: It is not easy to recognize signs in a child indicating future same-sex attractions. I shall give some signs for each sex.

Signs for a boy include a little boy who likes to dress up in girls' clothes -- sometimes this began with the mother dressing him like a little girl.

Other signs are if one son in a family is different from his brothers; if a boy is not involved in sports; if he is a loner who spends endless hours on the Internet; if, as an adolescent, he spends much time with one or two other boys who are also loners; if most of his close friends are girls; if he has feminine mannerisms; if he has a distant relationship with his father; and if he tends to prefer his sisters to his brothers. Very often a child with same-sex attractions is the youngest in a family.

It is more difficult to recognize signs of same-sex attractions in girls because the signs are not really visible during childhood. Tomboys often grow up very feminine. Perhaps during adolescence the parents may notice that their daughter does not show interest in being with young men, but, on the contrary, spends her time with a few other girls who also are not dating boys. Sometimes she is a loner who spends many hours on the Internet.

In cases of divorce, particularly when the mother makes her daughter her confidante, the young lady will feel no physical attraction to male youth because of her bitter memories toward her father. Sometimes the young woman is frightened by the way her father treated her mother and herself.

Much of this develops at first on the unconscious level. Sometimes youth say that they cannot understand why they have same-sex attractions. I suggest that they see a psychoanalyst to explore their unconscious motivation.

Q: What can parents do on their own to help their child with same-sex attractions?

Father Harvey: Presupposing that parents notice something wrong in the mood and behavior of their child, they can encourage their child to spend more time with other children of the same sex.

It is prudent to bring the child to a reliable clinical psychologist, especially if parents see a sudden change of behavior -- school grades dropping, child withdrawn and moody, and so on. Often, the child has been traumatized and is afraid to tell parents, because he is afraid that his mother will not believe him.

For example, a 17-year-old boy became depressed after suffering abuse from a friend of the family. His grades in school dropped. Finally he told his mother. Again, parents should be alert to the dangers of Internet, particularly when a youngster spends many hours by himself.

Q: What resources outside of the family do you recommend for treatment of same-sex attractions?

Father Harvey: I recommend clinical psychologists and psychiatrists who agree with Catholic teaching that homogenital acts are always seriously immoral in the objective order.

I realize that in many instances, the person with same-sex attractions may be ignorant of Church teachings or may be addicted to sexual behavior, and consequently not incur the guilt of mortal sin.

I advise the person with presumable same-sex attractions who is under 18 years of age to visit a therapist to see if he really has same-sex attractions. With regard to those over 18 years, I recommend that they find the Courage group located nearest to them.

I also see the necessity for anyone with same-sex attractions to find a spiritual director who can work with a reliable therapist to help the person both psychologically and spiritually. There are also forms of family therapy in which the therapist will engage the parents as well as the person.

Q: How are same-sex attractions treated and overcome?

Father Harvey: There are many treatments for same-sex attractions developed over the years. The National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality [NARTH] reaches out to the thousands who desire not only to be chaste, but also to recover their natural and God-given inclinations as far as possible.

One can choose to develop a life of interior chastity and to use the known means of reducing same-sex attractions to the point where they are not obstacles to progress toward union with Jesus Christ. The pioneering work of Leanne Payne and Elizabeth Moberly has influenced hundreds of therapists in the United States in their efforts to help people with same-sex attractions.

There is no infallible method that brings people with same-sex attractions out of this condition, but NARTH reports in a recent study that one-third fully recovers his natural, heterosexual inclinations; one-third significantly improves; and one-third does not improve at all.

Q: Teen-agers are increasingly confronted in the media with the message that same-sex relations are perfectly normal. How can parents deal with this problem?

Father Harvey: Not only are teen-agers confronted with this message, but adults and parents as well. Unfortunately, many teen-agers and adults -- including parents -- accept the messages that same-sex attractions are perfectly normal.

It becomes, then, very difficult for parents who believe in the Church's teaching concerning homosexual behavior to persuade their teen-age son or daughter -- perhaps already brainwashed by the Gay-Straight Alliance -- to accept the teaching of the Church.

Perhaps the long-term approach of teaching one's children over the years the full teaching of the Church on human sexuality is the best way of educating children and preparing them for the battle between the culture and the Church.

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Fr. John Harvey is the founder and director of Courage, a support ministry for homosexually-oriented Catholics who are striving to live the common call to chastity proclaimed by Christ and the natural moral law.