Crisis at the Canadian Border – A Look at the Consequences of the Republican Win in November:
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Presidential election prompted an exodus among left leaning citizens who feared they would soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blare Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin re-runs across the fields, but they just keep coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about immigrant smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them in electric cars, and send them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die.
“Many of these people are unprepared for our rugged conditions,” said an Ontario border patrolman. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips.”
When these liberal illegals are caught, they are sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to some ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some are disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove they were actually alive in the ’50’s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.’s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history and sociology majors does one country need?”
Sent from a Friend in Indiana.